Astoreth does Ferelden Part 4: Redcliffe
by Natmonkey
Summary: Follow Astoreth as she traipses through Ferelden and shares her thoughts and wonders. In this instalment: Redcliffe, where our heroine fights a bunch of nondescript evil things.
1. Prince Charming

_And so we come to the wonderful town of Redcliffe. Thanks for the reviews on Pt. 3_, _party people. _

* * *

"Look, can we talk for a moment? I need to tell you something I ah, should probably have told you earlier." Alistair is nervously wringing his hands as we walk up to Redcliffe.

Getting here was no picnic. We encountered many a darkspawn band on the road and so killed many a darkspawn. I blew quite a few of them up, muahaha. Nothing like seeing those hideous creatures burst into flames and or explode. As it turns out, Leliana is even better with a longbow than with her daggers. She usually stands next to me in battle, turning our fearsome foes into arrow-filled pin cushions. Morrigan is quite close to us, flinging spells while Alistair, Sten and Stubbs are busy whaling away at our enemies. I also do a bit of healing from time to time. It would be great if I could learn some more healing spells, but I guess that for now this minor spell and the poultices I make will have to do.

The poultices are especially useful for afterwards, when the damage can be assessed. Individually the darkspawn aren't very strong, but they work together very well (a group mind will do that for you). So often our mighty warriors come away from a battle less than unscathed. Now I've seen Alistair shirtless (yummy) many times to clean and bandage his wounds; I've even seen Sten undressed, although Morrigan is usually the one tending to his injuries. Now he looks powerful; nothing but hard muscle on him. Maker, I'd rather not get into a fight with _that_. It might even happen at some point, because he doesn't seem to like me much. He doesn't even believe I'm a Warden because I'm female. And he distrusts me because I'm a mage. Ah well, I'm sure that at some point he'll be convinced of my capabilities. Or snap me in two. But for now I guess I should see what Alistair has to say.

"What's on your mind?" I look him up and down, waiting for him to say something. Instead he first leads me a distance away from the others.

"I told you before how arl Eamon raised me, right?" he says in hushed tones. "That my mother was a serving girl at the castle and he took me in?"

"Yes, I remember that…" Is this the part where he tells me something awful? I hope not.

"The reason he did that was because… well, because my father was King Maric. Which made Cailan my half-brother, I suppose." He swallows and stares at me awkwardly. I can only stare back at him with my mouth open. He's… of royal blood? This silly, rather comical guy is a _prince_?

I snap my fingers. "Now I know where I'd seen your face before! You look just like Cailan." I laugh in relief. At least he's not some maniac hell-bent on conquering the world violently, or some such nonsense. Ah, my silly erotic dream featuring King Cailan comes to mind, making me giggle. Alistair gives me a confused look. "Sorry, private joke. But is that it? I thought you were going to tell me something terrible."

"You're taking this well. I would've told you, but… it never really meant anything to me. I was inconvenient, a possible threat to Cailan's rule and so they kept me secret. I've never talked about it to anyone." He sighs sadly and takes my hands into his. "Everyone who knew either resented me for it or they coddled me. Even Duncan kept me out of the fighting because of it. I didn't want you to know, as long as possible. I'm sorry."

"Hey, I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me this. So thank you." I show him a smile and squeeze his hands lightly.

He sighs again, this time from relief I think. "Good. I'm glad. It's not like I got special treatment for it anyhow."

"No, my prince, no special treatment for you only because you have royal blood in your veins," I tell him with a wink. He immediately turns bright red.

"I-I wouldn't have it any other way," he stutters, with a happy smile on his face. "At any rate, that's it." He clears his throat. "That's what I had to tell you. I thought you should know about it."

"So then, are you the heir to the throne, now that Cailan's gone?" Oh, I'm running in high circles now, ha. Not that I give a damn about that; all that matters to me is that he's a good man. For all I care he's the offspring of a she-wolf and a particularly adventurous farmer. I might be just that myself, who knows.

Alistair winces. "Let's hope not. I'm the son of a commoner and a Grey Warden to boot. It was made very clear to me early on that there was no room for me raising any rebellions or such nonsense. And that's fine by me," he chuckles. "No, if there's an heir to be found, it's arl Eamon himself. He's not of royal blood, but he is Cailan's uncle, and more importantly, very popular with the people." Suddenly he looks worried. "Though, if he's really as sick as we've heard… No, I don't want to think about that. I really don't." He shakes his head.

"Come on, it will be fine." I let go of his hands to grab a hold of his shoulders. "We will go see the arl and help him get better. Yes?" When he nods I give him a firm pat.

"So there you have it. Now we can move on, and I'll just pretend you still think I'm some nobody who was too lucky to die with the other Grey Wardens," he says with a hopeful smile.

"That hurts, Alistair. Do you truly think that?" I show him a pout and a wounded look.

"Well… no. What I really think is that I was lucky enough to survive with you." And with that he turns and begins walking away, head held high, back straight. I can tell he's trying to make an awesome exit. Does he really think he's going to get away like that?

"Wait a minute you." I run after him and sling my arms around his neck, tackling him. He lands face down in the sand. "Did you really think you were going to get away from me after saying such a sweet thing without getting a hug?" I coo into his ear. Subsequently I begin covering his face (the part that's not pressed into the ground anyway) with little kisses. He mumbles something I can't quite understand.

Leliana and Morrigan come strolling over to us. "Well done!" the latter compliments me. "He deserves that."

"Oh yes, I'm sure he deserves all those kisses she's giving him," Leliana giggles.

Morrigan glares at her. "I meant the tackling and making him eat sand."

Alistair raises his head and spits out some dirt and little pebbles. "Astoreth, get off me, Morrigan, leave me alone and Leliana… No, I can't think of anything. Carry on."

The women walk away, both of them chuckling to themselves. I get off Alistair and help him up.

"Uhm, I hope you're not angry with me or anything." Again with the impulsiveness. Maybe I'm just not very smart.

"No, of course not." He shakes the dust off himself. "I should know better. You're just full of affection, aren't you?" He smiles and pats my head.

"Yes, I guess so. But not for everyone, my friend, not for everyone." And now it's my turn to make an awesome exit.


	2. No Teagan Romances Here

Argh, I should've known this wasn't going to be easy. As soon as we got close to the bridge leading farther into town, we were stopped by a rather frantic man who told us about evil 'things' coming from the castle every night and attacking Redcliffe. Evil things, yes, very specific. I was hoping for evil bunnies or something; at least they are quite small. At any rate, he led us to the village Chantry, to the man in charge of the defence of the village, bann Teagan of Rainesfere. He is the arl's younger brother, and apparently he and Alistair know one another. Makes sense, since my favourite Warden lived here until he was ten years old.

So now we are tasked with helping the mayor preparing the defence, as well as the knights (led by a ser Perth) in the arl's service who are still here. Most of them were sent out all over Ferelden by the arlessa to search for Andraste's ashes to cure the arl. A fool's errand if you ask me. Those ashes could be anywhere. Of course Morrigan complains and wants us to leave them to their own devices, that nasty witch. How could we? Sten has his objections as well, thinking this won't help quell the Blight. Not directly, no, but our cause would benefit greatly from the arl's help.

At nightfall the undead, as it turns out the evil things are, will attack. Very ominous, no? But I'm sure we'll be all ready by then. I wonder how difficult it will be to kill, or rather, re-kill walking corpses. I guess we'll find that out tonight. For now, I have a little time to spare. Alistair is off speaking with the knights, Leliana's helping the mayor; I don't know what Sten and Morrigan are doing. Probably sulking in a corner somewhere. I've no doubts they will help kill the monsters, so for now they can act like spoiled toddlers if they wish.

This Teagan fellow here looks interesting. He wears the silk finery of a nobleman and looks very trim. And he's been eyeing me with interest himself while he was talking to Alistair and telling us how we could aid them. It reminds me of how Daveth would look at me, without the highly sexual atmosphere to it. I feel the thief's eyes on me still, but it doesn't bother me anymore. It's a rather soothing feeling, like he's still with me or something. I must be insane; therefore, I tell nobody about this. Nobody must know!

Well in the meantime, I think I will speak with bann Teagan. "My lord? Might I ask you to tell me something about yourself?"

With an eyebrow raised, he says: "This is hardly the time to be discussing personal details, don't you think?" His voice is incredulous and slightly annoyed. "We will have to fight for our lives very shortly."

"Yes, my lord." I'm not one to give up to quickly, however. "But would knowing a little about you truly be too much to ask?" He's going to fall for this one, I know it for sure; I'm so smooth.

He gives in. "I beg your pardon, my lady, where are my manners?" The smile on his face is most gracious. "What would you like to know?"

I wondered at how well he can use the sword and shield on his back. "Are you a skilled warrior?"

"Skilled enough to know there are many far better than myself," he replies modestly. Great, that doesn't tell me much. Why is it so difficult to get a straight answer out of someone? I swear, sometimes I just... But never mind, I digress.

"Do you have any family yourself, my lord?" Would he have children? Surely he could then give me some pointers on child-rearing. Or on how much trouble it is to have a pregnant wife. I suppose in a way Cullen is quite lucky to miss out on temper tantrums and having to fetch food no sane person would eat, in the middle of the night. How will he react to the news? Will he be happy? Please let him be happy. I don't know what I would do otherwise.

"Oh... you mean, am I married?" Teagan's cheeks flush a slight shade of pink at my question. I wonder why this would be embarrassing. "I... no. No, I've never had the pleasure. If I did, I'd be lucky to find a woman as lovely as yourself."

I can't help but giggle girlishly. Compliments, I just love them. "Oh my, you flatter me." I must be blushing like a fool.

"If I may be so bold, what of you, my lady? Are you married?" Wow, he sounds eager. I hope he doesn't pop the question as soon as I say that I'm not.

"Well my lord, I am a mage." I can be evasive too, you know.

"Mages can marry, or so I'm told," he chuckles.

"Yes, if the man is brave enough." While a normal woman might chase her man around the house with a frying pan when he comes home drunk, a woman with the gift of magic might paralyze her man to deliver him the spanking of his life, or even something less innocent when the offense is greater. It's no surprise not many of us get married.

"I can think of several reasons why one would be willing to be so brave," he speaks softly. Somehow he's come closer to me unnoticed; the bann's blue eyes are scanning my face with unveiled interest, especially lingering around my lips. Uh oh. I immediately take a large step back. I have no intention of becoming this man's mistress. Sure, he seems nice and he looks good and all, but he's just a little too… old for my tastes. Very shallow of me, but hey, I'm spoken for anyway.

"But I am too bold, my lady. This is hardly the time for such banter. Please accept my apology." He touches his hand to his chest and bows his head.

"That's quite alright, my lord, don't you worry about it." I smile at him as he raises his head. A nice man, who can thankfully take a rather unsubtle hint.

"You are too kind, my lady, amongst other things." His voice trails off while he looks me up and down. Of course I'm better covered by my evil cultist robes, but they still cling to my curves and then there's the slit along my leg, some minor cleavage. Not that I don't like turning heads here and there, but sometimes you just want to go unnoticed.

"I'll go back to work now." I briefly dip into a bow before almost running out of the Chantry. That was too close for comfort, even for a girl like me who likes a bit of risk every now and then. Why do you think I spent a night in Daveth's bedroll? Sure, it would've been safer to almost freeze to death all by myself, but nowhere near as exciting. Or warm.

Just outside the door I almost bowl Alistair over. "Ah, there you are!" he calls. "The knights want some holy protection from the Maker. What should I do?"

Before I can even answer Leliana appears behind him. "Good, I found you. I need your diplomatic skill to convince the blacksmith and a dwarven warrior to help the village," she says.

"A dwarf? Wow! I've never even seen one in my life. Let's go." The knights will have to wait. A dwarf, neat!

* * *

_No Teagan romances here. Nope. _


	3. Tell Me a Story

I have come to the conclusion that dwarves are awesome; such stout and sturdy creatures they are. The one that lives in the village, Dwyn, wasn't all that nice, but he is willing to put his life on the line for the village now. It took me all the persuasion I could muster though. Even had to break the door to his house down. Well, Alistair had to.

And that poor blacksmith. All the mayor said was that he refused to properly arm and equip the soldiers, not why. It turns out his daughter works in the castle and he's been drinking himself into a stupor because he's afraid she's dead. So I had to promise to bring her back (dead or alive, but I hope alive) before he would start up his furnace again.

As for the knights… The Revered Mother in the Chantry blessed some silver charms, and although they won't offer any physical protection, the knights were quite happy with them. Leliana disagrees with us giving them the charms; she believes we shouldn't be lying to the knights about their effectiveness. Well I didn't. I said they weren't magical, but they believed in their holy powers anyway. Fine then, they can believe whatever they wish. I'm not complaining about what Leliana believes, am I? I actually like her ideas, of how the Maker reveals Himself in the beauty of His world.

This would be quite a nice town, if it weren't for the looming threat of the attack and the fear that's almost so thick I can poke holes into it with my staff. Sadly the general store is closed; lately I've developed a craving for fresh milk. Must be one of the side-effects of pregnancy. However, we did find some barrels of oil which the knights will use to set many an undead on fire. I guess that will save me some work, ha.

Morrigan and Sten were hiding in the local tavern, both suffering from the mopes as I had suspected. We also found a spy Loghain sent here, some elf by the name of Berwick. He was supposed to watch the castle and report any new developments. So far all he could report was the arl's illness. Sadly he didn't know anything about where those walking corpses were coming from. Heh, he will aid the defence of Redcliffe tonight at my suggestion, very grateful I didn't do anything to hurt him. Why are these people so afraid of me? Oh yes, it's because I have a beautiful but frightening-looking witch, a powerful warrior, a mabari hound and a fearsome giant with me. Leliana isn't all that scary, to be honest. And neither am I. Well, I wouldn't be if I weren't a mage.

The tavern keeper (Lloyd is his name) annoys me. I practically had to threaten to kill him before he agreed to help the village. I can't believe it; the man lives here, so naturally it would be quite a nuisance for him if all his patrons were murdered and joined the legion of undead pouring from the castle every night. But still he insisted on locking himself in his wine cellar to make sure his alcoholic beverages would be kept safe. Cowardly, greedy bastard. Why would that matter if you could die?

And so now we are in the tavern waiting for nightfall. Lloyd is in the village square with all the others, so his much friendlier and better-looking waitress is serving us. Bella is kind enough to give us the drinks for free (although we had to promise not to tell her boss about it). Sad she doesn't have any milk. I could so use some right now.

"Leliana, could I speak with you?" Now's as good a time as any to ask her about staying celibate.

"Of course." She follows me to a table in the back of the tavern, a distance away from the others. "Is there something you wish of me?"

"Ah, yes." Now how do you ask something like this? "I would like to talk to you about celibacy."

"Celibacy?" She utters her lovely melodious laugh. "I'm afraid you have the wrong idea of me."

"What do you mean? You are a sister of the Chantry, are you not?" Is she just ignoring her vows?

"Do you recall I said I am a lay sister? This means I have affirmed my belief in the Maker. I have not taken any vows of chastity." She chuckles again at my mistake.

"Oh. I was wondering what that meant. Damn. Does that mean you can't give me any advice on how to stay celibate?" I sigh. Not getting any is going to drive me crazy someday. Someday soon.

"How so? Is Alistair not taking care of you?" she asks in a low voice.

I look at the pretty redhead across from me in shock. "What? _Alistair_? No! We're not lovers." Why would she think that? Sure, I hug and touch him a lot, but I just can't help that. I like him; a little more than I should I'm afraid. But he's just so… Mmm.

"Oh? You could have fooled me." Her blue eyes narrow as she smiles. How she reminds me of the friend I left at the tower. "Then tell me what bothers you, if you want to."

"Well you see…" I trust her, though I've only known her for a short time. Just look at her; she looks sweet and innocent, and she's been nothing but nice to me. Surely she can be trusted. "This is the thing. I left my love behind in the tower, and I try so hard to stay true to him, I really do. I miss him so much. But temptation is everywhere."

Leliana makes no reply, just gestures for me to continue. So I do. "This other recruit for the Wardens and I had some chemistry between us. It was a close call. If Alistair hadn't intervened, I'd have betrayed my love already. And then there's Alistair. I mean… Look at him." The few times I've seen him without his armour, I had to gather all of my resolve not to ravish him then and there.

"I understand." She nods. "He is a very nice boy, no? What became of this recruit you mentioned?"

I swallow. "Ah, he didn't make it. He's dead."

She sends me a pitiful look. "How sad!"

"Yes, it is. I would rather not speak of it." Thinking of him still grieves me a little, so I try to avoid it as much as possible.

Leliana nods in understanding. "Have you tried meditation?"

"I doubt meditation would do anything for me. My mind is a very busy place. Before I know it, thoughts of uhm, love will have crept in. And that will only make it worse." I sigh.

"I see. Hmmm…" She touches her index finger to her lips, apparently in deep thought. Such a charming gesture. "You could always bring yourself to release," she suggests casually.

I stare at her with my mouth open. "E-excuse me?"

Leliana giggles at my response. "If you don't know how, I could give you some advice…"

"No, I know perfectly well how to please myself. I just didn't expect you to say that." Still, there is only so much my own hands can do.

"Yes, of course. But aside from those two, I cannot think of anything. You could always lock yourself in a monastery, but something tells me you would go mad after only a few hours in that silence." She laughs happily.

"You remind me so much of my friend," I blurt out.

"Your friend? Someone you knew from the Circle?" she asks curiously.

"Yes. My best friend, Daniela is her name. You have the same sparkling blue eyes." Maker, I haven't seen her for so long. How would she be doing? What would she be doing right now? Knowing her, probably some guy in that corner of the library, ha-ha. She specializes in ice-based spells because they go so well with her eyes, or so she always used to say. Ah, I miss our silly conversations.

"So tell me Leliana, what did you do before you entered the Chantry? Where did you learn to fight like that?" A woman with those fighting skills can't have picked them up in any monastery. Unless there is a secret division of the Chantry that teaches its priestesses to wield bows and daggers as well as the next trained killer. Huh. Now there's an interesting notion.

She smiles awkwardly. "I was a travelling minstrel in Orlais. I would sing or tell tales and the audience would reward me with coin and applause. And my skills in battle, well, one learns such things on the road, no?" I have the feeling she's not telling me everything. I've been on the road quite a bit and I still can't use a bow to save my life. No matter.

"A minstrel?" I clap my hands together. "Do you have any tales you could share with me?"

"Of course!" Leliana exclaims cheerfully. "I love stories far too much to keep them all to myself. What would you like to hear about?"

As I think about what kind of story I'd like to hear, Alistair saunters up to our table. "What are you ladies talking about?" I can tell he's really, really bored.

"We were talking about sex rather explicitly," I joke.

His face instantly turns as red as a poppy. "I'll be going back to my own seat now."

"Oh, I'm only kidding." I pat the chair next to mine. "Sit. Leliana was just about to regale me with a story."

He obediently does as I say. "Ooh, a story. What about?"

"Oh, I don't know. Why don't you surprise us, Leliana?"

The pretty minstrel shifts in her seat, clearly in her element. "Then I shall tell you one of my favourite legends: the tale of Aveline, knight of Orlais."

I lay my hands on my stomach. Baby's first story! Alistair catches me doing this and smiles at me as if it's the cutest thing he's ever seen.

Leliana begins: "A long time ago…" Ah, that voice, that accent! I have a feeling I will be calling upon her to tell me a story often in the time to come.

* * *

_Okay, so maybe I should give you guys fair warning: there is no sex in Part 4. At all. And I don't mean this in an ironic kind of way. There just isn't any. No dreams, no suddenly jumping Alistair's bones, nothing. Zip. _


	4. Fancy Meeting You Here

_Has anyone here ever taken Financial Management courses? God, but that stuff is terrible. I'm supposed to take this test on the subject tomorrow; I'm doomed. Doomed, I say. Investments, annual reports... But that has nothing to do with the story, so read on._

* * *

Damn, last night was an ordeal. We could smell the walking corpses long before we could see them, the stench of putrid flesh and vile gurgling noises filling the air. Disgusting. And the buggers kept on coming too; for every one we cut down, another three appeared. Thinning their numbers took a lot of time and effort from everyone, but we did it. I was chugging down lyrium potions the whole time, almost drinking as fast as I could cast. I swear this stuff is some kind of narcotic; after ten or so I began seeing the prettiest colours everywhere. Far out.

Once the walking corpses no longer walked and just... lay there, there was only one casualty: Lloyd, the tavern keeper. He didn't even get killed in the battle itself; we found him behind the Chantry, with a walking corpse contently munching on his innards. Tsk tsk, had he joined the battle, we would've been able to protect the man better. But no, he chose to hide.

I didn't come away completely unscathed away myself; one of the foul things appeared behind me and began clawing at my back, leaving some nasty and painful wounds before Alistair (my ever vigilant guardian) cut it down. Stubbs ripped off its head for good measure. Of course I've not seen it myself, but Morrigan made a worried hissing noise when she cleaned and applied salve to my gashes. Flemeth was so much better at healing; the injuries I sustained at the Tower of Ishal had been healed without leaving so much as a single scratch. This will probably leave a permanent mark. The worst thing is that my brand new robes were badly torn and I will have to repair them myself. Damn it, I just bought these.

After the battle, Teagan was busily explaining to us about a secret entrance to the castle basement only accessible with the use of his family's signet ring, when arlessa Isolde came running out. She desperately wanted Teagan and only Teagan to come with her into the castle. I didn't quite get everything she said; the woman was babbling frantically. A demon in the castle, a mage poisoning the arl?

As soon as Alistair announced his presence, she wrinkled her nose and was about to say something nasty. I don't like her. I also think she was lying to get the bann to come with her. The arlessa said something about Connor requesting his presence, I don't know. At any rate, Teagan ordered us to sneak into the castle anyway to find out what the matter is, deal with it and open the main gate for the knights when we get there. When I said I'd do my best to take care of this situation, he said something about me being as beautiful as I was brave. Where does he get the idea I'm beautiful? Did Alistair tell him that? Ah well, I don't mind hearing it. In fact I cannot hear it often enough, awkward though it sometimes may be. Boosts the self esteem, you see.

Anyway, that's where we are now, the castle basement. The dungeons, to be precise. Someone seems to be in here. A man. I can hear him screaming at the undead pounding on his cell door. Great, they're in here too. Why wouldn't they be? And I'm pretty sure I've heard this prisoner's voice before, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

The walking corpses are easily dispatched with Alistair and Sten hacking them to pieces. My healing skills aren't even needed; a bath is though. This time Stubbs isn't too eager to help; I can tell from his posture that these surroundings scare him. No amount of petting and soothing words could help.

I walk up to the cell, my heart pounding rapidly.

"Hello? Is there someone out there? Who is it?" the prisoner cries.

I gasp. Surely it can be no other. I'd recognise that voice anywhere. "Jowan?" I stand before the prisoner's cell to take a good look at him. "It's you!" Wow but he looks terrible. Covered in blood, his form remarkably thinner in his tattered robes, still the same as he wore the day I last saw him. It's difficult to tell with all that blood, but he appears to be wounded too.

As soon as my former friend recognizes me, he looks unpleasantly surprised and steps back. "By all that's holy… you! I can't believe it." He shakes his head in disbelief. "Maker's breath! I never thought I'd see you again, of all people." Humph, he sounds nearly disgusted to see me.

I cock my head to the side. "Well now, is that how you greet your lifelong friend? The one who helped your sorry behind escape, in the name of friendship, in the name of _love_, only to be betrayed in the end?"

He snorts in disdain. "What did you expect? That I'd jump in your arms and cry about how happy I am to see you? For all I know you're here to finish me off."

"You ruined my damned life, you idiot!" I stick my arms through the bars to try and grab him, but he quickly steps out of my reach. I continue clawing at him, knowing it's useless, but I have to try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

"And I'm sorry! I didn't mean for anything to happen to you," he says, grabbing a hold of my hands and stopping their mad flailing.

"Sure, fine." I jerk my hands away. Sniff, sniff. "Ew, you stink."

"Yes, my servants haven't shown up with my bath this morning," he retorts sarcastically. Fair enough, I suppose that in prison you don't get to have a hot bath often. Or at all, as it seems.

"Never mind that. What are you doing here? What's happened to you?"

"What they'd do to all traitors, or would-be assassins." He sighs sadly.

"Would-be assassins? Explain yourself." What kind of trouble has he got himself into now?

"I..." A look of regret flashes across his face. "I poisoned the arl. He could be dead already, for all I know." Behind me I hear Alistair gasping in surprise and horror.

"You _poisoned_ the arl? What... But why?" What has the arl ever done to him?

"Please, I know how it seems!" His voice desperate, Jowan comes closer to the cell door and sticks his arms through the bars towards me in a pleading gesture. "Poisoning the arl was a terrible thing, but I swear I'm not behind everything else happening here!" His eyes are pleading with me to believe him. Well, I guess, why would he lie, right? He's got nowhere to go and nothing more to lose. I suppose I should be nicer to him. I sigh and reluctantly grab a hold of his hands. This is familiar; like the old days, when we'd go running around the tower together, laughing and happy.

He sighs, half in relief and half in resignation. "Before I say anything else, I need to ask you a question."

Of course I know exactly what he wants to ask me. "The Chantry took her away. I don't know where to." I lightly squeeze his hands in sympathy. The longer I'm here, the more I pity him.

His expression is so sad I could nearly cry. "Oh my poor Lily! She must hate me now, even if she lives. What have I done?" A lone tear trickles down his cheek, making a clean path in the blood caked to his face.

Seemingly satisfied with my answer, he says: "So, here we are again, the two of us. What happens now?" His voice carries a tone of deep resignation.

"First you give me more information, then we decide what to do you with you, that's what." I let go of his hands and cross my arms before my chest. "Start talking. Begin with how you came here."

"Connor had started to show signs," he explains. "Lady Isolde was terrified the Circle of Magi would take him away for training."

"Connor? A mage? I can't believe it!" Alistair mumbles incredulously.

"She sought an apostate to teach her son in secret, so he could hide his talent. The arl had no idea," Jowan continues.

"Hmm. So the arlessa was afraid the little one would be taken away?" Yes, I wouldn't be eager to give my child up either. But obviously _this_ wasn't a very smart thing to do.

"Yes. Teyrn Loghain found out, and sent me. I was to use the opportunity to poison the arl." He hangs his head in shame. "I was told arl Eamon was a threat to Ferelden, that if I dealt with him, Loghain would settle matters with the Circle."

"Oh, you poor, gullible fool. Loghain has abandoned you here. He has betrayed the Grey Wardens too. Alistair here," I point in his general direction with my thumb, "and I are the only ones left in Ferelden."

Jowan stares at me, his eyes wide with surprise. Despite the situation he bursts out laughing. "A Grey Warden? _You_?" Hiccupping and gasping, his body convulses with laughter.

Behind me I hear Alistair chuckling. Yes, laugh it up Warden, you'll get your comeuppance.

"Okay, you moron, that's enough." I give him a hard stare and he immediately straightens.

"Ah..." He wipes the tears from his face. "I'm sorry. You're just so impulsive, almost still a little girl."

"You're telling me. But yeah, Duncan saved me by recruiting me. From the wrath of Greagoir, of which _you_ are mostly the cause, old pal, old buddy of mine." I can't help but be a little mean to him. He's put himself in this mess.

"I know! I betrayed you, and Lily. I'm so, so sorry!" All cheer is gone from him now, only guilt and regret seem to drive him as he clutches the bars to his cage.

"Forget about me, I turned out fine. So, do you have anything to do with the undead, the demons?" We can kiss and make up later (in a manner of speaking); now all that matters is to get to the bottom of this.

"I was already imprisoned when all that began. At first the arlessa came here with her men, demanding I reverse what I'd done. I thought she meant my poisoning of the arl." He swallows hard. "That's the first I heard about the walking corpses. She thought I'd summoned a demon to torment her family and destroy Redcliffe."

"And did you?" I reach out my hand to lightly touch his, the knuckles pale from fervently clutching the bars.

He stares at me with desperate eyes. "No, I just said I didn't, I..."

"Yes, but you also denied being a blood mage and that turned out to be a filthy lie," I cut him off brusquely.

"This time I'm not lying. Lady Isolde had me tortured. There was nothing I could say or do that would appease her, so they... left me here to rot." His voice is so sad. None of the glaring I got when I'd asked him if he were a blood mage. And those eyes... so sorrowful. And guileless. I'm inclined to believe him.

"Fair enough. Any idea who or what might've caused this? How about Connor?" Of course the boy is only a young child and probably very inexperienced. But children have a way of surprising you, as the little apprentices at the tower would sometimes do. Adorable little rascals.

"He can barely cast a minor spell, never mind something more powerful. But he may have done something to tear open the Veil..." Jowan rubs his chin in contemplation. "With the Veil torn, Fade spirits and demons could infiltrate the castle," he ponders.

"It would take quite powerful ones to make those walking corpses." I scratch my head. This is plausible.

"Ugh!" Jowan suddenly cries out. "The arl's a decent man and I poisoned him anyway... I'm such a fool!"

I can't help but agree, but I myself am not always the most sensible person around. "Everyone makes mistakes." Granted, his are no small matters. Blood magic, attempted murder...

"Mistakes like mine? I've just messed everything up. My entire life; I've made such bad decisions." Jowan covers his face with his hands. "Maker, I've made so many mistakes! I disappointed so many people." His voice is filled with grief.

"Hey, hey..." I carefully pry his hands away from his face and hold them. "You can feel sorry for yourself, but instead you should _do something_. Don't you think so?" I punctuate my every word with a squeeze to his hands.

"You're right. I'm just sick of running away and hiding from what I've done," he says resolutely. "We were friends once..."

"We still are. I'm not going to say that I'm very happy with all the stupid things you've done, but I'll forgive you." I stare into his pale blue eyes. Little known fact: I had a crush on him when I was twelve. At that time, to me he was the cutest boy I'd ever seen. I would sometimes imagine how it would be to kiss him and to be held in his arms, but I shrugged it off because I didn't want to mess up our friendship.

The puppy love thing faded eventually, until I... I don't know what to call it, became a woman, I guess. He became attractive to me again, a young man with a perpetual shadow of a beard on his jaw, shiny black hair, pale blue eyes. I'd beg him to take me to bed, usually making him blush and stutter, after which he'd always turn me down. And whenever I touched myself I'd fantasize about feeling him on top of me, pulling his hair and running my nails down his back while he fucked me hard, sending my body flying into bliss. And then Lily came along and I dropped such thoughts completely. Because he was no longer potentially mine for the taking. Such is life.

"Really? You'll forgive me?" he whispers with unveiled emotion in his voice.

"Of course. I've known you most of my life, after all. Surely our sordid past is worth something, right?"

"Oh, sordid?" I hear Morrigan ask behind me, her voice laced with interest.

I turn to face her. "Just in a manner of speaking, Morrigan." She makes a disappointed noise.

"Please, I'm begging you!" Jowan turns my attention back to him. "Won't you help me try and do one thing right in my life?" Those pleading eyes, his hands desperately clutching mine... I hope I'm not going to regret my decision.


	5. Dog Eat Dog

_The only attempt I've ever made at writing a scene with actual fighting in it. I realize it's a bit sucky, but bear with me. So far this is the only one, and it will probably stay that way. _

* * *

Well, in the end I decided to let Jowan help us. Of course Alistair and Sten objected; he's a blood mage, he can't be trusted, blah, blah. But he really wants to make things right and so I gave him the chance to. Not that he would join our merry band, no... He didn't want to follow me into danger, he said. Stupidity. We are like a tiny army: we have warriors, mages, an archer, a fiercely awesome war hound. I understand though, it would probably have been uncomfortable for him. But in any case, he wanted to sneak up into the castle and try to fix the situation. I hope he doesn't get himself killed...

Maker, this place does not please me at all. The first thing we encountered was a _room full of demons_! Well, granted, there were only four or so of them, but still. I've been quite sick of demons ever since my Harrowing. Something tells me I will be seeing more of them than I'd ever wished, however. There's probably even one behind all the trouble in Redcliffe.

"Smells like wet dog here," Sten comments dryly, his nostrils flaring in disgust. Stubbs barks and utters a low growl.

"Are there mabari here, boy?" I ask him. He barks the way I've come to understand as a confirmation.

"Are they hostile?" The same bark in response.

"Then stay back, boy, I don't want you to witness them dying." Now he barks in what seems a protest.

"You wish to help? Fine then, come along," I give in to him. He bumps his head against my head for some petting before abruptly running off into a room farther down the hall. Soon we hear vicious barking and snarling.

"Eep!" I follow my beloved pet, darting into the room which turns out to be the dog kennel. He is surrounded by five others of his kind, all of them snarling and their fur standing on end. Their gazes shift to me as soon as I barge in.

"Uhm… Nice doggies…" I back away slowly, but they follow, growling dangerously. Oh Maker, why have you made me so impulsive? The largest and meanest-looking one, I assume their pack leader, gets ready to pounce, all of its muscles flexing. I have no choice but to send a blast of flame at it, setting its fur alight. It must be torture, judging from the painful yelping and frantic rolling. I don't want to hurt these animals, but it's either them or us; dog eat dog, if you will.

The other four watch their leader squirm and whine in pain for a short moment, and then look back at me with renewed fervour in their low growling. Then Stubbs utters a frightful, deafening howl, sending the other hounds into disabling dizziness. They teeter about on their legs. I take this chance to pelt their still smoking, but not quite dead, leader with bolts of arcane energy, killing it swiftly. Stubbs has sunken his teeth into another's throat, making blood gush out with his sharp teeth.

The others run in and the kennel is instantly a model of chaos with all the snarling (some of it coming from Sten), barking, shouting and cutting, flying of arrows, flinging of various spells, flashing of steel and flowing of blood. In a moment it's over, the scent of blood thick in the air. The five hostile dogs are lying dead on the floor, some of them no longer recognisable as dogs.

Sten is looking daggers at me. "You are a fool, woman." Damned if he's not right.

"I know," I reply meekly. I _am_ a fool. It's a miracle I've survived as long as I have.

"And knowing is half the battle," Alistair says sagely. "I wouldn't have quite put it that way," he glares at Sten, "but you do need to think things through more, little Warden."

"You're both right. I'm a fool and I shouldn't be so impulsive." I sigh and rub my temples. Maybe I should try meditating; it's supposed to sharpen the mind and calm the heart.

"Do not be so hard on her," Morrigan chides. She protectively lays an arm around my shoulders.

"I agree," Leliana chimes in. "She was merely concerned for his handsome boy." She gives Stubbs a friendly rub between the ears. He barks and stands on his hind legs, supporting his front paws on my shoulders. Boy is he heavy! I have to grab onto him and hug him to stay standing while he licks my face, covering me in smelly dog drool. Yuck.

"Down boy!"

He immediately sits at my feet, panting like the happiest dog in the world. I furiously wipe my face, but the smell isn't going anywhere.

"Thanks for the support, ladies," I look at Leliana and Morrigan, "but they're right. I've been stupid like this since forever."

"There is nothing wrong with your mental faculties," Sten objects, not unkindly.

"But you might've gotten yourself killed!" Alistair exclaims dramatically. "Then they would've had me lead, and we would get lost, people would die and I'd get stranded somewhere without any pants."

No pants? Interesting. I drop myself to the floor, playing dead. Stubbs rolls onto his back too, apparently convinced we are playing a game.

"Are his pants gone yet?"

My question is greeted with feminine laughter that only becomes louder when Stubbs begins tugging at Alistair's pants in an attempt to please me.

"Hey! Hey!" he shouts indignantly. Then he loses his balance and lands on his back right next to me. "Look what you did," he says to me in fake anger.

"Blame yourself, Warden. That's what you get from having a laugh at my expense." I chuckle and get back on my feet. Alistair gives me a hard stare before getting up as well, mumbling something about how he thought I hadn't heard him.

I sniff. Damn it. "Do you smell that? More walking corpses."

And then the ghastly gurgling begins, followed by shuffling steps.

Morrigan clicks her tongue in annoyance. "Marvellous. Is there no end to them?"

There won't be unless we stop whatever is behind all this madness.

* * *

There is something behind this door, I just know it! But try as we might, we cannot open it; not with Leliana's superior lock picking skills (learned on the road, no doubt), not with repeatedly bashing it, not with lobbing fireballs at it. Well, at least we found the blacksmith's daughter, shivering like a leaf in a tightly locked room. She's already on her way back to her father, taking the route we took to get in. "Just follow the trail of dead putrid corpses we left," I told her. She didn't even find it remotely funny. See, it's funny because being dead is an inherent trait of corpses, so I didn't have to call them dead. Ah, my humour is wasted on these people.

"Looks like we need to find another way in," Alistair says, pointing to the doors farther down the hall.

And with that we trudge on. Ever onwards. Come to think of it, it would be great if we had horses. Not that they would do us any good indoors.


	6. Are You High

The courtyard. It's eerily silent here. I can almost smell an ambush; come to think of it, the stench of rotting flesh is thick here. The sneaky buggers are lying in wait for us already.

"So," I point towards gate switch on the wall, "who wants to run and open the gate?" The knights are already waiting patiently on the other side.

"What, you're not going to run in and just do it?" Alistair grins.

I shake my head. "No, I think I've learned my lesson for now."

"I'm just so proud of you!" He picks me up into a bear hug, squeezing the air out of me. Not that I don't appreciate it, but this is hardly the time. I wonder if the undead are finding this as amusing as Leliana seems to. Probably not.

"Don't kill me," I choke out. He immediately sets me down and pats my head.

Sten gives us an exasperated look. "I will go." With that he makes a run for it. He's very fast for someone with such a large frame. As soon as his hand is on the lever, the undead come pouring out of their hiding places. There's a nasty surprise with them: a _revenant_. I've read enough about them to know that they are quite powerful. Ah, but are they as powerful as we are? I think not. Maker, I hope not.

We are heavily outnumbered, but those skeleton's dry bones are easily set ablaze with a bit of fire. And how they keep running into each other, wonderful. It's like they're killing themselves. Such a fascinating spectacle! I could just about applaud them for a good show.

Our warriors and the knights are hacking away at the revenant. It's peppered with Leliana's arrows, but it's still not giving up. I'm rapidly pouring lyrium potions down my throat again to keep my mana up. Well, the shimmering colours just add to this battle I think. Heh, all those swirly shapes.

Before long, the bodies of our foes are littered about the courtyard. I don't envy the servants who are going to have to clean this up. Everyone has sustained some minor injuries (except for Leliana, Morrigan and I), but no casualties. Good. A few healing spells and they should all be as good as new.

"Uhm, did you know there's an arrow sticking out of your shoulder?" Alistair stares at me, his eyes concerned.

I crane my neck to take a look. Huh, well, what do you know? There _is_ an arrow sticking out of my shoulder. "Oh, so that's the stinging sensation I felt there the entire time." I giggle. How funny I didn't notice. Guess I'm not as uninjured as I thought.

My fellow Warden tilts up my chin and looks into my eyes. "Are you… _high_?"

I giggle again. "Heh, yeah." These draining battles had better not occur too often; lyrium is addictive.

While Alistair chides me on my abuse of lyrium potions, I feel a large hand on my shoulder, followed by excruciating pain. I can just feel the blood draining from my face.

"Aaargh!" I turn to see Sten there, holding a bloody arrow in his hands. _My_ bloody arrow.

"The extraction of arrows is best done suddenly," he explains.

I feel a bit light-headed. "Thank you. I'd probably have run away if you'd warned me beforehand." And now I feel very light-headed. "I think I need to sit down." My knees buckle and everything goes black. Or I could just pass out.

* * *

I wake up to find Sten holding me. Responding to my probably very puzzled look, he says: "I was closest."

"Okay." Seeing how this is the first opportunity I've had so far, I seize it to study the qunari's face. His eyes are such an unusual colour, a pale violet. I like unusual. But his lips really draw my attention. They are unusually full for a male. I find myself wanting to test the feel of them. Must be the lyrium talking. I shake my head. "You can let go of me now."

"Can you stand?" For now he's not going to release me yet, it seems.

I shrug. "I think so. I took an arrow to the shoulder, not to the leg."

"And yet your legs just gave out," he retorts dryly.

"Huh. Good point." I wiggle them about a bit. They seem fine. "But there is only one way to find out, isn't there?"

"True." The giant drags me up. My legs are a bit shaky, but I can stand.

"Well, thank you for catching me and everything." I nod to him. I receive a wordless nod in return.

Awww… Look at my robes. They're ripped and filthy. Wardens just aren't allowed to own anything nice, are they? Humph.

"We are eager to see our arl. Shall we go into the main hall together?" ser Perth suddenly pipes up. Oh right, I'd forgotten he and his men were here too.

"Of course." I gesture to the large doors at the top of the stairs. "You first."

* * *

In the main hall we are greeted by the strangest sight. Or is it just me?

I nudge Leliana in the ribs with my elbow. "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"You mean bann Teagan prancing about like a mad jester?" she replies dryly.

"Oh, so it's not the lyrium." Huh, you know, those back flips look pretty good. I feel compelled to ask him whether he does children's parties, but that would be so inappropriate. We would so be like, a golden team. Me with my magic shows, him the acrobatics. Yeah! The boy I assume to be Connor seems to be enjoying it, clapping his little hands and jumping up and down. How cute he is! I hope my own child will be cute too. Oh dear, that double voice in which he speaks is not so cute. So that's what it is; the little one is possessed by a demon. Let us go see what it wants.

* * *

_There's no sex here, but there definitely is substance abuse! Far out, dude. _


	7. Screaming Harpy

There was just no reasoning with the demon. Apparently it wants to conquer the world, which is why the undead have been trying to take over Redcliffe. Arl Eamon still lives; in fact, that is the whole reason Connor allowed the demon to possess him. Well, at some point the child fled upstairs and left us to battle Teagan and some guards that were still present. We had to knock them out cold before they could control their own minds again.

So, while arlessa Isolde was pleading with us not to kill her son and find a way to make everything right, Jowan made a grand entrance. Immediately the woman went into a fit, screaming of how he was the cause of everything. Well, granted, if he hadn't poisoned the arl, Connor wouldn't have made that deal with his demon. So I guess he has played a great part.

And then he offers his help…

"Help? You betrayed me! I brought you here to help my son and in return your poison my husband!" Isolde fumes. A little longer and she'll begin foaming at the mouth.

"This is the mage you spoke of? Didn't you say he was in the dungeon?" Teagan asks, looking at me sideways.

"He was," the arlessa replies bitterly. "I assumed the creatures had killed him by now. He must have been set free."

I raise my hand. "Yes, that was me. I thought he might be useful."

"Useful?" Great, now that harpy's anger is directed towards me. "After everything he did, he should be executed! Without him, none of this would've happened!"

"Your secrecy made his actions possible, Isolde," Teagan interjects. That's telling her!

And now they begin playing the blame game. Who bloody cares whose fault it is? All that matters is resolving it. We can always bicker about whom we will punish for it afterwards.

"_Will you all just shut up_!" I scream. The squabbling immediately stops. The silence in here is almost thick enough to cut through. "Look, let's just save this for later. Who has a valid suggestion on how to solve the situation?" I look around.

Alistair is the first to say something. "I normally wouldn't suggest slaying a child, but… he's an abomination. I'm not sure there's any choice." Isolde immediately begins crying. Understandably.

"There is another option," Jowan says. "A mage could confront the demon in the Fade, without hurting Connor himself."

"What do you mean? Is the demon not within Connor?" Teagan asks. He seems to find this interesting, oddly enough.

Jowan shakes his head. "Not physically. The demon controls Connor from the Fade, where he approached him when he dreamt. We can use their connection to find it."

The arlessa's tears have dried for now. "You can enter the Fade then?" Her tone is considerably gentler and hopeful. "And kill the demon without hurting my boy?"

"No, but I can enable another mage to do so," my old friend answers. Looking at me, he says: "With blood magic."

I place my hands on my hips. "Blood magic? Really? That which got you into trouble in the first place? Brilliant idea." I sigh. "But it's better than nothing. And the catch?"

"The ritual I know requires a lot of life energy." He clears his throat. "All of it, in fact."

"Ah, so instead of killing Connor, we kill someone else?" I roll my eyes. "That is just _so_ much better. Is there really no other way?"

"Well, the power has to come from _somewhere_," Jowan replies defiantly, "and that means either lyrium or blood."

"You can find lyrium and more mages at the Circle of Magi, if they would even do it," Alistair suggests helpfully.

The Circle. Cullen. Oh yes, I'd much rather go beg for their assistance than sacrifice someone right now. "The tower is reasonably close to here." But not nearly close enough.

"That is an excellent point," my colleague says, apparently happy to have contributed. "One of the treaties is also for the Circle of Magi, after all."

"The tower is about a day's journey across the lake," Teagan pitches in. "You could attempt to get the mages' help."

"But what will happen here?" Isolde suddenly panics. "Connor will not remain passive forever!"

"It won't take forever, I promise," I assure her. "We will just have to take that chance."

Ah, I will be going back home! Yes, I hear people talking but I don't think it's important. The decision has been made. Well Cullen, I hope you're ready because I'm going to ride you until you _beg_ me to stop. And then some.

I have to pee, so I excuse myself to go look for the privy. What have we here? Fancy room, nice desk, lots of books. The arl's study? Maybe there's something there that will help us on our journey. I know, that's stealing, but we are helping them too so I feel justified.

Would you look at this? A silver amulet with Andraste's symbol on it, riddled with tiny cracks. It rings a bell. Ah, now I know. Alistair told me he had shattered his mother's amulet against a wall in anger. Would this be it? It has to be. What are the odds this is another, right? I mean, how many formerly shattered Andrastian amulets would there exist? And here, no less. Arl Eamon must've cared more for our little bastard prince than he thought, making so much effort to glue this thing together. Good, nobody's seen me. I stuff the keepsake into the pouch on my hip. Alistair's going to love this.

And now, to the privy.


	8. He Is on to Me

When I come back into the main hall, everyone is talking amongst each other. Jowan casually walks up to me. "You're looking well." He looks me up and down curiously. "Except for the filthy robes maybe."

"I wish I could say the same of you. You might consider taking a bath, if the arlessa will let you."

"I hope so. I'm aching all over, what with these wounds and all." He looks down on his hands. "They even pulled out some of my fingernails," he remarks casually.

"Maker's mercy! Didn't that hurt?" I grab his hand to take a look at it. The nails on his index and middle finger are missing, showing raw naked flesh.

"No, actually it was quite pleasant." I stare at him in horror upon his reply. He sighs. "Of course it hurt, dummy. It was bloody excruciating. But that's the point of torture, isn't it?"

I nod. "I suppose so. How did you get up here anyway?" The little sneak only appeared after all the fighting had been done with. By us.

Redness creeps up on his cheeks. "I followed you," he admits.

I pat his shoulder. "You should've just joined us, silly."

"I would've liked to, but your friends don't like me much," he says sadly. "Especially the giant one."

"Of course not. Would you?" I chuckle. "Besides, the giant one doesn't like me either."

"Now I find that hard to believe." He shows me a gentle smile.

"Do you, now?" I shrug. "Well, I guess you would know. Who knows me better than you, right?"

We stay silent for a while. I don't know what's going on in his head, but I just keep thinking about my time at the tower. I would give my right arm to be back there now, to read a boring tome, or listen to a lecture nobody wants to hear, to speak with Daniela about whatever comes into my mind. And I just want to be with Cullen; to run my fingers through his hair, to kiss him, to slip my hand between his legs and make him moan in pleasure.

"I missed you, Astoreth," Jowan suddenly says. I look over to him. Poor thing looks so sad and lost. To think, if everything had gone right, he would've probably been on that farm he and Lily had wanted to buy.

"Heh. I missed you too, buddy." I link my arm with his and rest my head on his shoulder. I'm not going to linger here long; he still stinks. But not as much as the undead, luckily.

"So uhm, whose baby are you carrying?" he asks casually.

I blink in surprise. When did I tell him about that? "Say what?"

"Well, when you were trying to decide what to do with me, you kept holding your belly. At first I thought it was just something you ate, but someone who has a stomach ache usually doesn't have a dreamy smile plastered to her face." He chuckles and shifts his gaze to my stomach. The baby still isn't very visible. I had no idea I did such a thing.

I don't really see a use in denying. He's my oldest friend, and who is he going to tell? "That is very smart of you."

"Thanks. Who's the lucky man then?" I can tell he's nearly bubbling over with curiosity.

Let's see how he's going to react to this. "It's Cullen."

"_Cullen_?" he sputters. "That te..." I touch my fingers to his mouth.

"Hush. The others don't know yet. I will tell them, in time. Keep your trap shut, you hear?"

He raises his hands. "I'm not going to tell anyone. But why _Cullen_, of all people?" His voice is incredulous. I can't blame him.

"It started out as a hook up. But you've heard the rumours of him being in love with me, right?"

"Oh, it was all everyone ever talked about. But I didn't believe it," he chuckles.

"It was true though. The way he touched me, the way he looked at me, the sweet things he said to me... I just fell in love with him." I sigh at the memory. Those warm brown eyes of his; just thinking of them gets my heart beating faster.

"Love is weird like that, isn't it?" he says in a pensive voice. "Just like with me and..." Silence.

"I'm sorry about Lily." I awkwardly pat his shoulder. I just don't know what to say. There, there? Everything will be alright? The former is too meaningless, the latter a blatant lie. Instead I'll just keep quiet.

He sighs. "So am I. It's all my fault; I'm such a fool."

"Kind of, but at least you're trying to fix things. You're a good guy, Jowan." I give his shoulder an encouraging squeeze. "You just made some bad decisions." _Very_ bad decisions.

"I'm glad you think so." He still seems sad, but a little less than before. "Is Cullen the reason you're so eager to return home?"

Home. The tower _used_ to be our home, but it is no longer. "Nope. I'm just killing a few birds with one stone. Getting the Circle to help against the Blight, to help Connor become demon-free and to see Cullen. That makes sense, right?" Although I have to admit, Cullen is the main reason. If I don't get some soon, my head's going to explode. And I just want to cuddle with him, and get this whole "I'm carrying your child"-thing off my chest.

"Astoreth?" Alistair approaches us. "We should get going."

Jowan takes my hands into his. "Good luck," he tells me.

"You too. Keep safe."

Well Circle, here we come. Get that lyrium ready.

* * *

_Before anyone starts asking: no, this isn't the last chapter. Just one more. Patience, dear readers. _


	9. A Shocking Revelation

Sure, one day across the lake, Teagan said. We would need a boat for that, now wouldn't we? All the boats in Redcliffe have been destroyed by the walking dead. Had there been a boat, none of us is too eager to spend an entire day on the lake in a few planks of wood. We'll have enough time for that when we're dead. So here we are, on the road again. I'm afraid this will take longer than I'd initially thought it would. With every step comes an image of Cullen and myself doing the most unspeakable acts. I'm surprised I'm not leaving puddles wherever I go. You can understand I'm ready to jump the nearest male in my company. That would be Alistair; he's always close to protect me, always the first to come to my aid when darkspawn or other creatures attack me.

In the meantime the baby has grown a bit further, making my belly poke out just a little. I still don't look pregnant, merely as if I've just indulged in too great a meal. Lately I find myself cradling that small bump in my hands, wondering how the child will turn out. Will it be a boy, or a girl? Will I make a good mother? Ah, I will really have to clean up my act. The way I behave, well, it's no good example for a little one. No more rushing into things headlong, no more flirting with charming thieves.

It's getting dark, so I suppose we will set up camp soon. I have to tell Alistair the truth about Cullen. It would be better for him to know before he actually meets my templar.

* * *

"Alistair, I would like to speak with you, if I may." I feel nervous. Hopefully he won't take this too badly.

He looks up at me from the log he's sitting on, a bowl of stew in his lap. "Sure, what is it?"

"I meant in private." I fidget about anxiously.

Picking up on my nervousness, he stands up. "Sure, but I'm taking my food with me."

We move out of earshot from the others. "What is it you want to talk about?" Alistair sits down on a rock and continues eating.

"I would like to… tell you something important. About Cullen, I mean." Oh dear, oh dear. How will he take this? Well, I guess I could consider this practice for telling my beloved about the baby. That's bound to be just as nerve-wracking.

"That sounds ominous," he says between mouthfuls.

"Uhm, yes." I sit down before him. "Well, I said I left my love at the tower. And you assumed he was a mage." I look up at him.

He arches an eyebrow and sets his bowl down on the ground. "Was I wrong?"

"Yes. He is not a mage." Now I hope he figures this out on his own. But knowing Alistair I might come away disappointed.

"So then, what is he?" I can almost hear the cogs in his head clicking industriously, working to get to a conclusion.

"Heh." It should be obvious by now. "What other group of people also occupies Kinloch Hold?"

Alistair's handsome face turns white as a sheet. "You don't mean…" It would seem the copper has dropped.

He bolts up from his rock as if zapped by lightning. "A _templar_? You're a _mage_, pregnant with a _templar's_ baby?" he wheezes in shock.

I just nod at him. What more should I say? Alistair sits back down, clutching his heart and gasping. This is familiar. Oh yes, like the time I told Cullen I wanted him.

"That is wrong on so many levels!" He appears to be talking to himself.

"You trusted me with your birthright, and so I trust you with this," I tell him, prying his hands away from his chest. I give them a gentle squeeze.

He looks down on me in shock. "How…?"

"How did we get together?" I smile to myself. A sweet memory. "Well, there was a rumour going around that he was in love with me. I'd always liked him, and I was very anxious to…" I cough. Let's not offend this boy's virgin ears. "I approached him with a proposition, which he at first turned down." I look up into my friend's eyes. They are now bright with curiosity. "You might think he is not worth much as a templar, falling for the likes of me. But he takes his job very seriously."

"The likes of you? What do you mean?" he asks me softly.

"You know. A mage. One with rather loose morals." I think back to my proximity to Daveth before the Joining, his tongue in my mouth. I'm not the most honourable of women. A bloody bitch in heat is what I am.

"Well, yes, I wouldn't handle things quite the way you do, but you still manage to behave," my fellow Warden speaks, not without admiration.

"It's sweet how you think that. But anyway, he fell for my honeyed words. We kissed, we went a bit further, and before I knew it, I was lost. Lost in his eyes, lost in his touch, lost in his kisses, lost in all the sweet words he spoke to me…" I sigh and look into the distance. It's as if the events of that night are happening before my eyes.

"That sounds so romantic," he says with a sparkle in his eyes.

"Love is a strange thing. It doesn't discriminate based on your station in life, your age, your race. It just… happens." I remember how Jowan told me he'd fallen in love with Lily; walking past her in the evening while she was reciting the Chant of Light and truly hearing the beauty in the Chant for the first time because of her. A mage, and a Chantry sister. A mage and a templar. Love isn't exactly convenient.

"Thank you for telling me this." Alistair pulls me up to hug me warmly.

"I'm glad you're taking this well," I chuckle. It feels good to get this off my chest, like a heavy weight has been lifted from my heart.

"How did you think I'd react? That I'd draw my sword, screaming of blasphemy, and behead you?" His voice sounds very light-hearted for such a comment.

"Well no, but others might." I shudder. "Like the knight-commander." Now Greagoir objected fiercely when Duncan took me away after letting Jowan escape. I think he wanted to have my head on a platter. Maybe even eat it. My reunion with him will certainly not be a happy one.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." Alistair plants a kiss atop my head.

"Thank you." I climb onto his lap for a proper cuddle.

After a while I get off him so he can finish eating. Speaking of which, my stomach's been rumbling for hours.

I leave my friend to sit by the fire and help myself to some stew. When I'm down to my fifth bowl, Alistair joins me and holds out his hand to me.

"Do you know what this is?" he asks. There's obviously a very pretty rose in the palm of his hand, the petals a deep velvety red.

I swallow my food. "It's the first time I've actually seen one of those for real, but I'm quite sure it's a... Hey, are you trying to trick me?"

Alistair laughs. "Yes, I am. Is it working? Aw, I just about had you, didn't I?" More seriously he continues: "I picked it in Lothering. I was wondering how something so beautiful could exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness."

"Wow, that's very poetic." I continue shovelling food down my throat in great quantities. Not very poetic. Probably a terrible sight too.

"Yeah, I'm a poet and I don't even know it," he chuckles. "Anyway, I wanted to give it to you. To tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this darkness."

For a moment, I'm stumped as I accept the rose from him. That is just so… infinitely sweet. "I… Well…" What should I say? "Thank you. That is so… I…" Oh, I have something for him too. I think I'll wait to give him his mom's amulet.

He grins contently. "You're welcome. I'm glad you like it." He holds out his hand. "Here, give it to me for a moment."

When I've handed him the flower, he sticks it in my hair; I can feel the stem sliding over my scalp at the base of my bun. I'm glad he was thoughtful enough to remove any thorns.

He makes a few more adjustments and a satisfied smile appears. "There, you look beautiful." He brings his shield before me so I can look at my reflection in its perfectly polished (albeit dented) surface.

The rose adds a delicate feminine touch to my hair. Ah, another pretty thing to please my beloved's eye with. Oh, Cullen. I hope you've been getting enough sleep. You're going to need your energy, my darling.

* * *

_In my story, the rose has a short stem. Or Astoreth's bun is gigantic, either one of the two. So finally we come to the reunion with our heroine's favourite templar. You must be curious, amirite? _


End file.
